What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
