Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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