i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
