Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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