my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
