Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
