If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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