we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
