its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
