The maid of honor just puked.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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