I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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