Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
