I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
