ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you never un-have a 4some
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
