I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
