My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
