Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
