He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
