If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
