apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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