You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
