I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
FUCK WHALES
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
