well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
