That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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