i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
