I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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