I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
