My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
