Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
