We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
No stitches, just platelets and will power
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
