We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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