my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
