I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
