how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
