So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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