He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
