Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
