i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
