do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
