Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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