I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
