Heybabeimwearingurpanties
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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