between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
