and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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