Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
