I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
