I heard we made out
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
