i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
