babies were throwing up all over the place
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
