wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
