if i died would you start the facebook group?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
