the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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