I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
